


The Stars Shine So Bright Tonight

by Sashataakheru



Series: Queer Bev/Ace Fics [2]
Category: The Move RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Bisexuality, Body Dysphoria, Depression, Dildos, Foreplay, M/M, Mental Illness, Past Relationships, Porn Battle, References to Drug Use, Sensation Play, Sensuality, Sex Toys, Strap-Ons, Touch, queer sex, reassurance, references to past dubcon (illicit drugs), sexual awakenings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:38:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Ace needs is for someone to show him how good sex can feel, and maybe he can tolerate living with a body that's never been right, and may never be right as long as he lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stars Shine So Bright Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'RPF (The Move) FtM!Bev Bevan/FtM!Ace Kefford, genderfuck, secrets, toys, dildos, hurt/comfort' for Porn Battle XV.

Ace clambered onto his bed, gazing at him curiously. "How do you even live with this? How do you not hate it?"

Bev glanced over at him. "I guess I got used to it. It's not like they can really change it to a proper male body, can they? I've got to learn to love myself for what it is, or I'll go mad and kill myself. And y'know? I just don't feel like killing myself over it. Got too much to live for."

"So how did you find out about, well, how good it felt? How could you even have sex? Wouldn't people find out?" Ace said.

"It took one girl to show me what it could feel like. A transsexual like us, of course. I wouldn't have dared come out to anyone else back then. Sarah, she called herself. She taught me how to love myself," Bev said, wistful smile on his face. 

Ace scooted a little closer, daring to open up to him. "Can you teach me, then? The depression's not so bad when I'm a boy. An' I know it's depression, even if Trev just thinks I'm going daft from the acid. He ain't been in hospital. He doesn't know how bad it can be."

Ace looked away, not used to talking so frankly about what was wrong with him. He didn't always acknowledge it himself, let alone to anyone else. It wasn't their fault. Ace had fought a long battle to get anyone to believe that being transsexual had nothing to do with his other mental issues, and he was sure he'd be fighting it till his final days. He knew who he was, even if no one else really did.

"You alright, then?" Bev asked, concerned.

Ace looked back, smiling. "Oh, no, just - got a bit down, that's all. I'm alright. I'm not actually depressed right now, which is nice. Been keen for it all day, though, like, being with you. I still remember that night last week. I still remember that. I didn't know my body could do that. Can you do it again?" 

Bev set down the paper he'd been reading and thought a moment. "You wanna fuck around again?"

Ace shrugged, but didn't look discouraged. "Uh, yeah, if you want. Only, I wanna feel that again. I tried, before, in the shower, but maybe 'm doing it wrong. I dunno. I just wanna feel again, y'know? But if you're not interested, I'm sure Trev'd-"

"No, it's fine. I just wanted to be sure that's what you wanted. I don't like misunderstandings when it comes to sex. If you want it, you gotta let me know, or I'll make stupid assumptions that only leads to trouble, and that's the last thing I want happening between us," Bev said.

Ace still wasn't entirely used to Bev being so considerate of his feelings, but he did appreciate it. He moved forward again and dared to kiss him, keen to get started. Bev returned the kiss, and brought him close, making him more comfortable beside him. They kissed for a long time, just lying together. Ace hadn't intended it, but Bev was gentle, and there was something nice about being kissed, rather than just fucking around with Trev like he was used to doing. 

Bev was taking things slowly this time. It drove Ace to frustration, but Ace was at least proud that he was capable of feeling so frustrated by his actions. Bev didn't touch his breasts, but he did touch other parts of his body, gently, carefully, keeping eye contact with Ace to ensure he could tell when he might be going too far. 

Ace was feeling bold, and after discarding Bev's shirt, he moved down and kissed his chest softly. In many ways, he still felt inexperienced, unsure how to please a partner. The sex he'd had with Trev had been more about Trev than him. Ace was a convenient friend who didn't mind Trev fucking him when they got high together. There was no love involved, and Ace had rarely felt anything from it. He'd put up with it because he hadn't known any better, but Bev had shown him what sex could really feel like, and now he craved that feeling.

Bev whispered encouragement as he went, guiding him. Ace listened carefully, trying to follow what he said. He sucked gently on his nipples, finding it strange to feel fleshy breasts instead of a flat chest like a man should have. They felt strange, and he wondered how Bev could stand to look at them. He sat up, and pulled his own shirt off. 

"Can you make me love these horrid things, hey, Bev? I wanna know what you get out of it," Ace said, hands cupping his own small breasts, hesitant though they were. 

Bev sat up, taking that as a challenge. "Alright, but let me know if the distress gets too much. It might take a while for you to get over the hatred you feel for them and begin to love them, if you get to that stage. I don't want you to think this is something you need to do."

"No, I want to. Yer right, they can't give me a proper cock, so I'm just going to have to make do with what I've got, now that I know it can get me off like that. I didn't know my body worked like that, and I don't wanna give that up now that I know how good it feels," Ace said.

Bev offered a sympathetic expression. "Well, that's understandable. It's not like you've been much in love with it. I know what it feels like to want a different body, one that works properly. You want one that doesn't bleed, that has the right bits. One that doesn't look ugly when you look in the mirror. One that doesn't make you hate yourself. I was there, once upon a time, before I learnt to love what I have. I had to learn how to get pleasure from it. I just refused to accept that I couldn't be a sexual being, just because I was born in the wrong body. Testosterone was hardly suppressing my libido anyway, so I never saw the point. We know genitals don't matter. But it takes a long time to really get that, and believe it, without feeling like a fraud. It might be the wrong body, but it still works, and if it can still give me sexual pleasure, then I see no reason to deny it the chance to do so."

Ace rested his hands on his shoulders, and shifted a little so he was more comfortable. Ace was a little disappointed he couldn't straddle and grind against him like he would if he had a penis, but he could feel pleasure building down there, and he breathed in, wanting to encourage it. 

Bev held him close, stroking his back gently as he began kissing his chest. Even if his body wasn't perfect, Ace allowed himself to just experience the sensations for what they were. It took a lot of mental energy to do that, but Bev slowly made it easier as he touched him and began sucking gently on his nipples. It brought an intensity that Ace hadn't expected, perhaps enhanced by the cool air meeting his wet skin. 

Bev stroked his fingers down his stomach and slowly between his legs. Ace inhaled sharply at the sensation, bringing Bev close to him. It was still a strange sensation, but Bev knew how to work him, and how to touch him in such a way that didn't make him feel like a girl, and that helped him accept it for what it was. Bev brought him into a kiss as he lay him down on his back, moving over him as he began to work him, moving his fingers inside him more freely.

Ace was so lost in the sensations flooding his body that he barely heard Bev speak, growling softly in his ear. A sharp nip on his earlobe got his attention. 

"D'you wanna _fuck_ me, Ace?"

The question was loaded with desire, with lust, and Ace gazed, wide-eyed, at the ceiling, having never considered that possible at all. 

"What - I don't under-"

Bev silenced him with a kiss. "Why fuck with fingers when you can fuck me with a cock?" 

"But I don't have a-"

Bev kissed him one more time. "Have you never even bothered to look at sex toys before? I'd rather have an artificial cock than a surgical one."

Ace squirmed. He'd hardly had enough interest in sex to consider sex toys before. He'd never even seen any. He didn't know where he'd find them even if he wanted them. 

"I'll be back in a moment. I've got something I think you'll really like," Bev said as he got up. He offered a kiss as a promise and slipped off the bed. 

Ace sat up, trying to see what he was looking for in the wardrobe. For once, Ace was glad they were at Bev's house, and not in a hotel. Ace had come round a few hours ago for a blessed night of rest before the hard grind of touring started up again in a couple of days. There was time now to indulge in these things in a way that probably wouldn't be possible on the road. 

Bev returned with the black dildo, fitted into what looked like some kind of leather harness. Ace had never seen anything like that before. He almost reached out to touch it, but pulled away, unsure.

"What is it? Where'd you get it?" Ace asked.

Bev smiled. "It's a cock, what do you think it is? Found it in a dungeon in London, one of the ones that exists for straight couples, rather than the gay leather clubs I know. A dominatrix I met there a while back swears by them, and she told me where to find them. The dildo sits just where your clit is, and works just like a real cock. Do you want to try it?"

Ace scrunched his nose up at the idea of having sex with a woman. "Ew, Bev, you still sleep with girls? I thought you were gay."

Bev shrugged. "Sometimes, I need someone to fuck, and if I can't find a guy, I'll go see her if I'm in town. She doesn't mind. It's not like anyone thinks I'm a girl, anyway, so no one questions me when I come in and buy some time with her. I can pass for straight if I need to, and sometimes it's safer. Given the dangers we face out there, being transsexuals, any amount of safety is not something I'm willing to give up."

"I wish I had your confidence. I'd be too scared of being recognised in a place like that. I'm not strong like you. I doubt I could defend myself if I got in trouble, not on my own," Ace said.

"Well, it's a good thing you've got me, now isn't it? C'mon, Ace, give it a go. At least try it on and see what it feels like to have a cock," Bev said, offering it to him.

Ace almost hesitated again, but it was too good an opportunity to pass up, and took it. Bev helped him put it on, and get it in just the right position. Ace had thought it would feel too bulky, that he would never be able to just forget he was wearing it, but it was lighter than it looked, and the dildo felt heavy enough to be a real cock, but it wasn't too heavy that it killed the illusion. 

"So, do you like it?" Bev asked, a hand slowly stroking the dildo in a bid to make him realise how good it could feel. 

Ace was amazed at how such a simple action could translate into a discernible sensation between his legs. It was such an obviously artificial thing, and yet, somehow it worked. It was positioned in such a way that it moved naturally with his hips as he thrust into Bev's hand. 

"That's so weird. Like, really weird. How does that even work? I don't get it," Ace said, perplexed at how it could feel so real.

Bev grinned. "You haven't even tried fucking me with it yet. That'll blow your fucking mind."

There was a surge of desire at that suggestion, and he felt he couldn't really say no to that chance. "Alright, lemme have a go, then. I wanna fuck like a boy, a proper one."

Bev brought him into a kiss. "Just give me a moment to prepare, and I'll get you organised. I need to lube it up. I'm a little dry at the moment."

Bev lay back, and got Ace into position before getting the dildo ready. He hadn't had a good fuck for a while now, and he was just as eager for it as he hoped Ace was. Nothing had worked to make him feel more like a man than to be able to have sex like one, even though he normally didn't care about genital configurations. 

Ace felt a little nervous, and the sensation of the dildo moving against him as Bev lubed him up didn't help. He'd never had sex like this before, and he was getting a better look at Bev's genitals, noticing how they weren't particularly masculine, even with all the hormone therapy he'd had. He hadn't trimmed the hair, and it helped to disguise them a little. He shifted a little closer as Bev positioned the dildo outside his vagina, just to make sure Ace didn't miss it. 

"You ready, then? Cos I sure as shit am," Bev said, moving a little against the tip, eager and willing.

Ace swallowed. "Yeah, yeah, I am. What do I do, though? Do I just-?"

Bev reached down to steady the dildo again. "I'll guide you. Just push slowly forward. Don't rush it. Get a feel for how it moves as well as what it feels like to move inside me. You won't hurt me, so don't worry about that. Just concentrate on getting used to the cock first. Once you're comfortable moving with it, I'll encourage you to go a bit faster and get into it a bit more."

"Alright. Just - don't rush me. I'm really not used to this," Ace said.

Ace took a breath, saw Bev nod in encouragement, and with his guidance, slowly moved forward, burying the dildo inside him. He stopped once it was fully inside him, gazing down as he saw what it was like to be penetrating someone. The sensations were growing, and his clit was tingling with eagerness. 

Bev smiled, touched his arm, stroked his skin, reassured him that he was doing fine. He moved his hips a little, up and down, watching Ace's reactions to the sensations. 

"How's that feel?" 

"Good, good. How does it feel this good? I just can't believe it works. This just isn't possible," Ace said, almost tempted to thrust a little in return. 

"Oh, it's real alright. Just start moving slowly, just get used to how it feels to thrust with it. I'll let you use it again if you like it. I don't mind being fucked. It's a great feeling," Bev said.

With his hands to steady him, Ace began thrusting, moving slowly in and out, though not enough to pull out completely. He was entranced, watching the dildo move in and out of him, watching how Bev reacted to it, his body moving with him. Ace took his time, getting used to all the new sensations he was feeling. Bev offered continual reassurances and suggestions, telling him to move his hips a little more, change the angle a bit, move a little faster. 

Soon, Ace was experimenting, seeing what sensations he could give himself depending on how he moved. He thrust a bit harder, a bit faster, trying to get the hang of having sex that way. He'd always felt it ought to be quite instinctive, but he found it wasn't the case. His hesitation in moving too fast at first had been because he hadn't wanted to hurt Bev, and didn't know how far he could go before he was causing actual harm, rather than just rough sex. He could, sort of, tell how far in he was through the dildo, but it wasn't as precise, he felt, as if it had been a real cock. The sensations weren't that precise, though they were precisely between his legs, making him more aroused than he'd anticipated. 

It felt a lot like foreplay. Bev stroked his breasts, his chest, and Ace thrust lightly, trying to get the right position where he felt he could control himself, and not hurt himself or Bev in the process. Bev encouraged him to lie close to him, and start thrusting. Ace hadn't expected it to feel so good, being so closely joined to him. Bev helped support him, holding him, leaving Ace free to move without worrying about hurting himself. Bev moved with him, getting everything he could out of him as Ace tentatively began to fuck him properly, wondering how long he'd need to thrust before they both came.

"How's this - how are you-" Ace breathed, words not entirely a priority at that moment as he felt a surge of pleasure build between his legs. "Oh, God."

Bev gasped. "Not quite. Bit more. Jus'- _oh_ , yeah, more like that."

Ace tried his best to replicate what he'd just apparently done, drawn on by the expression on Bev's face. That Bev was genuinely enjoying this was encouraging him, and he felt a little bolder, moving a little faster as he tried to bring them both over the edge. He knew he was close, and Bev probably was too. He was trying to get his head around the fact he'd be giving himself an orgasm at the end of all this, and it was a heady concept filled with lust and arousal. His body felt different now. It wasn't just something he hated looking at; now it was something that made him feel _that bloody good_ , the way acid made him feel. The high was extraordinary.

"Y'can feel it, can't you? Y'can feel it build up down there. It'll-"

"How can it be doing this? How've I never felt this before?"

"You never slept with me til now. _Fuck._ " Bev hissed sharply, feeling himself grow closer to orgasm. "Shit, you're good at this for someone who's never done it before."

Ace felt a little pride at that and kept going, unsure when he could come, but knew it would be soon. Their skin was hot; Ace felt the sweat catching on his fringe, his hair sticking to his forehead. He kept thrusting, kept looking at Bev and the way he was drowning in arousal, in pleasure, kept him going. It was distraction enough; orgasm caught him by surprise, and he felt his body tense as waves of pleasure flooded through him. Everything felt hot and sweet, his knees weak. If he hadn't been lying down, he was sure he'd have fallen over. He was exhausted, but happy. He couldn't remember feeling this euphoric before. Bev gently stroked his hair, letting him come down in his own time. 

It was Ace's soft crying some time later that caught Bev's attention in the still silence that had fallen upon them. He wondered if they were happy tears or sad tears; it was hard to tell. Gently stroking his back to reassure him he was still there, he decided to check.

"Hey, Ace, you alright?" Bev said, keeping his voice soft, not wishing to alarm him.

Ace turned to him and smiled, tears gently rolling down his cheeks. "Everything's alright, yeah. Thanks, Bev. You made me feel alive for the first time in my life. You made me feel like a human being, an' not just a freak who's no good for nothing. No one's ever made me feel that way before. No one."

Bev smiled back, relieved. He offered a gentle kiss that Ace was pleased to reciprocate, and held him gently, glad to have been the one to show Ace just what his body could do. Ace clutched onto him, overwhelmed.

"Hold on to it, Ace. Chase it down and never let it go. I'll never let you go."


End file.
